Depression, Defiance, and the Internal War to Create

People think that depression is sadness, that depression is crying; but depression is doubled gravity. Not a gravity that grounds you, but a gravity that grinds you. A heaviness so intense that it pushes out all thoughts. More than anything else for me, depression is pushing me horizontal to sleep my days away and to keep me awake spiraling all night. 

Sitting up is an act of defiance. Creating is an act of war. When colors bleed or ink splatters, it can feel like a full body blow. I have to remind myself that perfection isn't just the enemy of good. Perfection is a double agent that led me to the arms of depression over and over again. 

When we look at art, we often fall into the trap of judging if it's “good" or “bad." I don't subject my art to this. Instead, the question is if I won the battle. Did I defy grinding gravity? Did I deny depression another chance to nip at my heels? This finished product will never be as important as defiance.